i overcooked these nacho's

i like knowing what the expectations are.
i function best in situations where i know whats going on, and whats going to be going on
rules.
boundaries.
expectaions.
i quite enjoy all of these.
i tend to get a little stressed when they are lacking.
especially in certian situations.

perhaps it was the circumstances of my childhood.
growing up never knowing if we'd make it through the month
or have enough groceries
or if we'd come home to no power, or hot water
actually i'm pretty sure thats what it is
but honestly
this somewhat desperate need for structure
usually makes things more difficult for me
rather than less
and i have been trying very hard to just go with it
to not obsessand over-think every little thing(yes i know i do it. i know.)and until now its was actually going pretty well
but i'm not going to lie
things fell apart just a tiny bit recently
i apologize for it
but there really doesn't seem to be anything i can do
to stop this collapse of my seeming non-challance
i don't know if this changes things
it probably does
probably not for the better
but this is who i am
and while i seem to be able to change it to a certain degree
deep down i need those expectations
and right now
that sucks