new orbit

so it seems that just because you know what your problem is, doesn't make you automatically able to fix it. and that sucks balls.

in general, when i am on my own i am very independent.
i don't ask for help unless desperate.
i fix my own problems.
i actually enjoy being by myself.

but and the other side of the coin:
when i meet someone i truly care about i tend to go a little overboard.

quote:
" you can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dogs money, my dogs time - everything. if i love you, i will carry for you all your pain, i will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), i will protect you from your own insecurity, i will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you never actually cultivated in yourself and i will but christmas presents for your entire family. i will give you the sun and the rain. i will give you all this and more, until i get so exhausted and depleted that the only way i can recover is by becoming infatuated with someone else."

change the end to read " by become completely disconnected with you." and this is the story of my relationship(s).

i forget that i like to be alone sometimes, i put of the things i like to d,o to do things that "we" want to you. "I" ceases to exist and there is only "US". I know this is a common problem and you would think that fact that I KNOW I DO THIS would have prevented it from happening so severely again, but you would be wrong. I am currently at the point where i feel like i don't really know myself anymore. i used to be so sure of who i was as a person, but now i am a stranger to my own psyche.

my only recourse has been to almost completely cut myself of from said other half in order to re-balance my sense of self and inner peace. so now i am on a journey to re-discover all those things i used to be so sure of and perhaps some things i never knew in the first place.

as always, i will let music and dance bring me back to my center. with a few doses of friends and cheap wine thrown in for good measure.